Big Sis' Birthday

May 12, 2010

Today is my sister's birthday. The passage of time has flown by so quickly that it seems like it was just months ago that she sat with me coloring with crayons in a coloring book. Oh wait that was merely 3 months ago in Sunrise Unit visitation we did that! LOL! Nonetheless, my sister was there for me as a kid and we survived it. Many of times I, the doting little brother, wanted to show my big sis my love and appreciation for all she did for me. Sadly, I showed it in bad ways, which at the time seemed ok.

It was my sister's 17th birthday. I was 14 going on 20. Her and I were at a Target store near our mom's home just looking around, trying things on and admiring. My sister's favorite past-time at that time.

"Look Shannon, do you think these earrings look good on me?" "Shannon, this fingernail polish looks good on me." "I wish I had this glue gun," she said to me innocently showing me the things in the store as we wandered. We had no money, but it was her wish list.

Walking across the parking lot on the way out, I told my sister, "Happy Birthday!", then proceeded to give her the earrings, polish and yes, the glue gun.

"Shannon, what did you do?" she asked me, truly concerned. "I got you stuff for your birthday," I replied, now worried she was mad at me. "Thanks," she told me, hugging me and quickly ushering me away from the store.

I knew it was wrong to steal, but wanted her to have these things. I wanted to make her happy. To give her presents for her birthday. They were her only presents that year. Was I a bad kid? Was it wrong of me? Maybe. But she didn't go without a gift that year. I love my sister. Happy Birthday, Big Sis! No more stealing. I promise.

Question Proposition 100

May 11, 2010

Okay, so a 1 cent sales tax will make thing all better in the State of Arizona? Is that what Governor Brewer, and some others, think? We're all for giving the much needed money from such an idea to education, healthcare, etc, but when it comes to "Public Safety" that will prosper from this tax, what does that truly mean?

Last I checked, the Dept. of Corrections is part of "Public Safety". With ADOC's multi-billion dollar budget (and predictably rising), will it prosper too? Even though its budget has essentially been safe from the uncaring legislative knives that have been; and threaten to, cutting vital programs in AZ. Sure, we need firemen, police, teachers, etc, but what about all of the non-violent inmates who pose little threat to the community who sit by idly in ADOC simply wasting tax dollars? Shouldn't in a dire state, like AZ's budget, these inmates be released on parole to pay taxes, work, feed their families?

Ask what does "Public Safety" include? ADOC's budget is part of the state's budget problem! Ask where EXACTLY will your 1 cent go?

Taxes for Prisons

May 2, 2010

Okay, Arizona voters have been asked to vote on whether to raise the state sales tax 1%. Some claim that it'll boost revenue and be some sort of help to the state's budget mess. Some claim it's not a fix and will only hurt AZ. There are so many different groups for and against this tax like that it's confusing. And the down right nasty threats by lawmakers to voters, disguised as alternatives to voters passing the tax, is simply horrible.

Despite all of the pros & cons for and against the tax increase being spread throughout the state's news outlets, one tidbit of information that is missing significantly effects the state's huge deficit and must be considered when voting for or against the 1% tax increase. The Arizona Dept. of Corrections budget is giant and still growing by the month. Unlike other state funded agencies and programs, ADOC's budget has not taken severe cuts. ADOC has been actually spared the ax, despite demands for budget cuts to all agencies.

I hate to be a doubting Thomas, but...if you raise taxes to generate more revenue, but you do not fix the problem agency that is sucking more and more money every month from that revenue pool (the General Fund), isn't it a waste? Sure, there may be a few additional drops in the state's already drying coffer if a tax increase is passed, but without significant changes in AZ law regarding sentencing, good-time credits, and cuts to ADOC, the tax increase will hardly supply ADOC's ever expanding budget, let alone save or restore any other agencies or programs.

Lawmaker's threats to return around 13,000 ADOC prisoners to county jails, pushing the burden on counties, if the tax is not passed by voters should tell you where that revenue will go if the tax increase is passed. The ADOC!

Trying to Progress

April 29, 2010

Since moving here to Eagle Point, I've gotten to know some new orangemen. Some who sadly have no hopes for the future and simply sit idly until the day their release comes around. Stagnant. Doing what they've always done-the way they've always done it. Then there's Woody...

At first glance, Woody blends with the skinhead population. Inked from his neck down, shaved head and in great shape. "I'm not a skinhead," he proclaims to those who inquire. "Yeah right. You're NLR (Nazi Low Rider)" I joke. "I'm a motorcross racer from California," he explains.

Woody and I hang out together all day. Although he is nearly 8 years younger, we are alot alike. Two components that make our friendship work so well are, our strong will to leave the life we are living behind and be successful, and our similar experiences/attitudes regarding drugs and addiction.

Woody is from Southern CA, but has lived in Prescott AZ for a few years. Sentenced to 4 1/2 years for stealing a motorcycle, he is being released in November. We've been spending hours every day going over his game plan, short and long term goals, as well as repeatedly reminding and remembering all of the things he must avoid in order to make it and not come back. It's an unbelievably long list, but most things were simply learned behaviors and irrational thinking patterns. We've recognized and replaced by repetitive use of more positive thoughts and behaviors. Let me explain one which Woody has helped me with immensely.

Up until moving to Eagle Point Unit in February, I spent nearly all of my time in my cell. I read and wrote nearly all day. Since my best buddy, Tony, went home, I rarely spent time outdoors. I became even more reclusive and unsociable. I was getting more depressed and even found myself questioning whether I truly could succeed at my plans for the future.

Woody works out 5 days a week and is in great shape. He's ripped and works hard to stay ripped. One day he asked me to work out with him. He explained that it'll chase away my blues, make me feel better, pass the time and if I stick with it all the hot chicks will want me. Hell, who could say no to all that! LOL. Now, I work out for 2 hours every Monday through Friday with Woody, who pushes me-but isn't "pushy". He and I walk around aimlessly just talking about our goals, plans, etc. He's managed to get me into the habit of drinking lots of water and only 2 or 3 cups of coffee a day. Although often times my muscles hurt, I feel healthier. Stronger.

Woody and I also share a love for art. He is amazing with pen & pencil. Often he will draw an outline (pattern) of things and I will do the shading and/or color. I get a good feeling from Woody. He will succeed if he just doesn't give up or forget. He's ready and eager. I believe in him and he believes in himself.

I'll miss his company in here, but want him to go home and do this thing. He's a good man, with intelligence, experience and his head on straight. I only want to see him again if it's in society with his plans moving forward and him exceling or at least surviving clean, sober and safely.

Woody has told me much about his family and their lives when he was growing up. His parents sound like really cool parents who love their kids, who also are very funny and down to earth. They're Christians, just like Woody is.

My new friend is a good guy. I am convinced he'll succeed upon his release. He asked me if I'd join him and his family for church upon my release. I would consider this offer, but my best friend, Tony, will in fact be with me my first time setting foot in church since I was a kid. Tony opened my eyes to what it is to be a Christian and changed many of my ideas of what is expected of you as a Christian. I'm not there yet, but I can now imagine the possibility of me joining Tony in church. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to join Tony, Woody and all of my other Christian friends in prayer. For today...I'll just hope that their prayers for me are heard.

-Wow, this entry was all over the place. LOL.